Attack of the Plastic Cows!
by Aurora's Light
Summary: Plastic cows? Where? Oh well, guess you'll have to read to find out! ;)
1. The Cows Arrive

Well, this is my first fanfic, so I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of the HP characters. Don't even own plastic cows. :( (Literally)  
  
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Once upon a time… Yeah right! Like anyone uses THAT beginning anymore! Anyways…  
  
BOOM! A loud bang sounded in Filch's office. Laughing, James and Sirius took off down the hall and away from the scene of the crime.   
  
"Haha! That's what ol' Filch gets for giving us detention last week!" Sirius laughed as they made their way to Gryffindor tower. "Oh, how I'd love to see what his office looks and smells like after those dungbombs do their job!"  
  
"Tch. You wouldn't even be able to tell that it was an office!"   
  
"Purple Eggplant," James said as they came to the portrait of the Fat Lady.  
  
"What have you two little mischief-makers been up to now?" She asked angrily as she swung open, revealing the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"Being lil angels," Sirius replied innocently as he and James walked on in. Once inside, they went over to the table where Peter and Remus were doing their homework.   
  
"Still trying to finish your Potions homework?" James asked Peter as he sat down and took a few gasps of breath.   
  
"Yeah," Peter groaned. "Why do we have to get so much homework in that class?" Everyone was silent for a while as they worked on their homework.  
  
A while later, Lily walked by with a couple of her friends and sat down at the adjacent table. She then got out her own homework and books.  
  
"Hey Lily," James said, turning around to look at her. She ignored him and turned away.  
  
"C'mon, what's the matter?"  
  
"Your big head," she replied curtly. "I don't associate with snobby, 'I'm-the-greatest-person-alive', flirts."  
  
"Awe, you know that's not what I'm like," James protested.  
  
"Hmph."  
  
"C'mon, you know you wanna talk, or, maybe do more than talk," James coaxed. Lily's face started getting red.  
  
"Shut up! I'm trying to do my homework!" she complained angrily.  
  
"Ooh, I like them angry!"  
  
"Urgh! Come on. Let's go," Lily said as she quickly gathered up her books and papers, but dropping her quill in the process. James quickly stooped to pick it up.  
  
"Give me my quill back," Lily said with an edge on her voice.  
  
"You want it? Come and get it!" James taunted, keeping the quill out of her reach.  
  
"Please give it back. It's my last one, and I'm losing my patience," she warned.  
  
"I'll give it back for a hug, or maybe a kiss in return," James offered.  
  
"Or maybe a slap in the face!" Lily screeched, thoroughly fed up with him. James, seeing the danger level, backed off.  
  
"Ok, ok. Here's your quill," he said quickly. "Don't blow up, ok? You're not as pretty when your face is all red."  
  
"Thanks," she muttered, snatching back the quill. "Though you don't deserve it." That said, she and her friends left.  
  
"Why do you go on trying to hit on Lily when she obviously hates you?" Peter asked.  
  
"She may hate him, but he likes her," Sirius explained, smiling. "Besides, he likes trying to get girls who don't appreciate him. I guess it's like a hobby for him."  
  
The next morning, James woke up with a yawn. Groggily, he put on his glasses and looked at his sleeping roommates.  
  
He had dreamed about being with Lily again. This time, they were swimming together under a waterfall. Lily had on a cute purple bikini, and they had swam, splashed, and played in the water together. How romantic…   
  
Suddenly, he noticed a package at the end of his bed. Curious, he reached for it, but pulled his hand back. It wouldn't do to be this incautious. After all, curiosity killed the cat!  
  
After using his wand to check for any hexes or spells, he cautiously grabbed the packet and tore off the brown wrapping paper. He dumped out the contents which revealed themselves to be…gasp…PLASTIC COWS!!!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" Remus and Peter awoke with a start. Sirius, however, still lay sleeping, as dead to the world as a hibernating bear.  
  
"What are you screaming about?" Remus asked, obviously annoyed at James.  
  
"G-get them away from me!" James gasped, trembling.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Th-the cows!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Over there! Plastic Cows!"  
  
"Why are you afraid of plastic cows?" Peter asked.  
  
"Look at them! Look at their beady lil eyes! They're staring right at me! Can't you see? You can just tell they're saying 'Eat me! Eat me!'"  
  
Remus looks at him, bug-eyed. "You need some serious counseling."  
  
"You know, I think they're cute," Peter said, admiring the little plastic figures. "I know, I'll name them! This one can be Spot, and that one can be Spotty, that one's Spotted, that's Spots, and the last one can be… The Big Cheese!" James and Remus looked at him like he had suddenly sprouted horns and a tail.  
  
"What? I like cows!" Peter said indignantly.  
  
"Then you can have them!" James said, shoving them over to him.  
  
"Wow, thanks!" Peter looked genuinely pleased.  
  
"Hey, by the way, who gave them to you?" Remus finally asked.  
  
"Dunno," James replied, looking puzzled. "They were in a package at the end of my bed."  
  
"That's weird."  
  
"Why don't we just forget about it, and go have breakfast?" Peter suggested.  
  
"Fine with me. Sirius'll be up sooner or later. After all, he's never missed a single meal," James said getting up off his bed and stretching. After the trio had changed into their robes, they went on down to the Great Hall.  
  
Apparently, the Marauders have forgotten all about the cows. (except Peter, who continued to play with them) But have the cows forgotten them???   
  
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Please review, and I will try to update as soon as I can! 


	2. Dancing Cows

Finally updated! =D Thanx for the 2 reviews!  
  
TeriyakiKat Thanx for the comments. I fixed it up a bit.  
  
Zayne Glad u like it! =D  
  
Disclaimer: Do I need one of these for every chapter? Oh well. As always, anything from HP isn't mine. (duh)  
  
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"And therefore, the goblin rebellions in 1940 caused…" Professor Binns droned on and on while the bored-to-death students sat and listened. Actually, none of the students were really listening; they had all found something more interesting to do.  
  
James was doodling a pictured of Lily. Sirius was counting the number of freckles on Erin Wolen's face. Remus was playing tic-tac-toe against himself. Peter happened to be picking his nose while nobody was looking.  
  
"… and that concludes today's lesson. For homework, I want you all to write a one page summary on both the positive and negative effects of the 1940 goblin rebellions. Class Dismissed." The room was suddenly alive again as everyone scrambled to pack up their stuff and leave as quickly as possible.  
  
Chatting loudly, the Marauders returned to the Gryffindor Common Room. James and Sirius flopped down on the couch and decided to come up with some new pranks to play on the Slytherins. Remus challenged Peter to a game of Wizard's Chess.  
  
"Oh, by the way, do you still have any of the chocolate frogs you bought last week at Hogsmeade, James?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Chloe Summers collects the wizard cards, and I was thinking of giving some to her as a little present," Sirius answered.  
  
"You mean, you want to use them to get her to notice you, and possibly go out with you," James said.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Alright. I'll go get them," James said with a sigh. He got up and headed upstairs. He got to their dorm, but heard faint music playing within. Thinking Sirius had probably forgotten to turn off the muggle radio he stole from Lindsey Kinkle, he shrugged and opened up the door.  
  
The sound of the strumming of a ukulele drifted out. Puzzled James stepped into the room.  
  
On the big dresser were four plastic cows! What's worse, they had on tiny grass skirts and were hula dancing! hip shake left hip shake right and slide  
  
"Aaargh!" James ran over to the dresser, grabbed the enchanted cows, and threw them out the window. He watched as the tiny plastic toys fell down, down, down…  
  
With a sigh of relief, James turned away from the window only to be met by three more plastic cows on the desk! These were wearing cowboy hats, and were square dancing!   
  
"Swing yer pardner round n round…" The enchanted cows continued to chant.  
  
James yelped in fear at the sight of more plastic, and managed to snatch them and shove them out the window also. After making a thorough check that there were no more cows in the room, he snatched his bag of chocolate frogs and quickly left.  
  
"What?! More cows?!" Remus asked in disbelief after James had told them what had happened.  
  
"Hey, why'd you have to throw them out the window?" Peter whined. "You could have let me keep them!"  
  
"Shut up!" James growled, annoyed.   
  
"Wow, I can't believe you've got a group of plastic cows stalking you!" Sirius laughed. Then he was serious, "The important thing is that you have the chocolate frogs, right?"  
  
"Yes," James said handing over the bag. "You're Welcome"  
  
"Oh yeah, thanks," Sirius muttered as he started counting how many there were.  
  
"Anyways, I can't believe someone actually bothered to enchant the plastic cows," Remus began. "However, by the way you described it, it seems like they used some dark magic."  
  
"Dark magic?! How can dancing plastic cows be dark magic?!" Peter retorted.  
  
"Well, the basic charm for enchanting a thing to make it move on its own is what we read about two weeks ago in Defence Against Dark Arts," James explained. "I think it was, the, uh, gosh, what was it? Oh yes, the animation spell."  
  
"Right. However, getting them to move a specific way, such as dance, must be more difficult. I, for one, don't know how they did it, since we never learned any more about the spell."  
  
"You know what I think you need to do?" Sirius commented. "Catch whoever is behind this! Who cares about how they enchanted the cows? What you need to know is who enchanted them and put them there."  
  
"I think Sirius is right," James agreed. "But how are we going to catch them? We have no clues or evidence at all! We don't even know when they'll strike next!"  
  
"Well, in the meantime, why don't you put some extra charms and spells on our door, so nobody else can sneak in with the cows?" Peter said.  
  
"Good idea! I'm go do that now!"  
  
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Once again, please review, and I will update soon! (Hopefully) 


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